17 January 2011

Stuff you can learn from TV and movies

There's a lot of things you can learn from watching TV and movies. I saw this list an another board and stole borrowed it-as a public service.

Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight Involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hardworking policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says "I'll be right back", they won't.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in France.

Police cars are always going the wrong way when they get a call on the radio.

You can always find a parking spot right in front of the police department, city hall, or any important building.

yankeedog out.

2 comments:

  1. I disagree with the cop cars bit. KIts the crimbos going the wrong way.
    bears are a surprise in the play offs. One more game, however an unlikely win, to the SB. I'm planning on watching the Superbowl. Its on around 8.30 a.m. Monday our time. Its a bit early for hot dogs so I'll think about an American breakfast. Pancakes or ham and eggs sound good. For beer I'll grab a ouple of Buds or Miller for authenticity but stick to local stuff for major consumption but I'll have bourbon for follow up. For half time should it be dogs? We got a deli in Bondi does great frankfurts. Other option is to do kangaroo sausages on hot dog buns with the American style trimmings for a cross-cultural homage to football festivity. My work colleague follows the Steelers, I reckon the Jets are gonna lose and the Packers are way too cheesey for my liking.
    I need Superbowl menu hints, given that we have an 8.00 a.m. sign on time for the live coverage.

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  2. I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

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