26 October 2010

YD for (insert office here)

Oy. Only a week until the midterm elections. Good news. We're going to get bombarded with political ads and commercials for the next week. Bad news.

In all the ads, I've yet to hear anyone come up with any ideas on how to fix anything in this, my beloved country and state. I HAVE heard a lot of mudslinging. And what a crop of candidates here. I wouldn't let any of them run the deep fryer at McDonald's because I think they'd turn the french fries into carburized stumps, let alone give them the keys to the country.

Seems to me our first priorities are to a) get some jobs here, and b) get the debt paid down before the Chinese decide to repossess us. I'm for tax breaks for companies that keep jobs here and for tariffs on imported products equal to the average cost of the same item built domestically. Compete on a level field. We've had plenty of free trade. We need fair trade. On the other side, unions have to realize that their members can't make $60,000/year to put lug nuts on wheels. Maybe some give-and-take here. The way I see it, more workers=bigger tax base=less burden on both corporations and individuals. Could be wrong, because God knows, what I know about most things you could stick in your eye and not cause too much irritation.

As for getting the national debt paid down, there's more fat in government spending than in a whole season of The Biggest Loser. My brother worked in government. I've seen it. Things like buying 1000 wire nuts where 10 are needed. Small stuff-but all that 'small stuff' would add up pretty quickly-and the government would run just as good. Likely a whole lot better.

And maybe, just maybe, we don't need to be the world's policeman. Some places, they've been fighting since the Bible was three books long, and they'll be fighting long after we've left the scene. Actually, if the Defense Department spent like the average household does (that is, with a modicum of sense), we wouldn't lose a whole lot of capability to defend ourselves.

If I were running for office, I might be inclined to put a five-year moratorium on all foreign aid and slap that money on the national debt. If there's a disaster, someone else can help, or our private sector agencies can be first responders. They'd probably do a good job. Besides, why give money and food to nations that likely as not would try to shaft us the first chance they got. We don't HAVE an obligation to help everyone else in the world. Someone else can step up and spend the cash and take the abuse for being 'meddling'.

Ahh, who'm I kidding? None of that's going to happen.

Dreamer...Yankee is a dreamer...

I feel very fortunate that our local PBS is showing Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister. Not only are they entertaining (old, but still funny), they provide an invaluable translation guide when our political wannabes and alreadytheres speechify and run commercials.

But instead of ideas from our politicians, no matter how stupid or outlandish, we get stuff like this:


'Harlan Veeblefetzer says he has a plan to bring jobs to the 71st District. But did you know that Harlan Veeblefetzer believes in cutting pizza in squares?

I have a plan to introduce legislation that would require pizza to be cut in wedges-the way God ordained that pizza be cut-not the 'liberal' square.

Harlan Veeblefetzer claims to be a veteran. But in reality, his 'service' consisted of watching every episode of M*A*S*H. He even said he liked the preachy episodes filmed after Alan Alda took creative control of the show.

Harlan Veeblefetzer says he's in favor of family values. But did you know he once drove a car with underinflated tires?

Do we need two more years of Harlan Veeblefetzer?

I'm here to offer you an alternative to the current regime.

If I'm elected, I'll fight for the 71st District. I'll vote 'yes' on the Netherlands Rock Band Quota Act. Dutch rockers shouldn't be cluttering up American classic rock airwaves.

I'll vote for the Cryptozoologic Fair Trade Agreement. Our jackalopes and hodags will be able to better compete with imported drop bears and chupacabras.

If you believe that America needs more drop bears listening to Hocus Pocus, then vote for my opponent, even though he fancies conjugal relations with farm animals, and doesn't gargle.

If you want real change in Washington-change based on my interpretation of the Constitution-change you can believe in-then vote for me on November 2nd.'


I'm Yankeedog, and I approved this message.

yankeedog out.


  1. I'd vote for that. If someone bought me beers.

    Have a look out for 'The Thick Of It' - sort of an updated late-Noughties version of Yes, Minister out of the UK. They made a film called 'In The Loop' which was particularly good. If a bit sweary.

  2. I'd vote for you except for the Drop Bear bit.

    Drop that and slip me $1000 in nonsequential notes in a brown paper bag and you've got my vote.

  3. YDog, politicians are crap all over at least we get a chance to change them around.

  4. Ah, gents, you restore my belief that elections are about the same everywhere. Thank you!