12 October 2010

The Personals Translation Guide

...courtesy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.

We've all read personal ads or at least seen a dating website. Personally, I'd rather be by myself than get into the blind meat market. Your mileage may vary. Maybe you had a good experience on a dating site! At any rate, the staff at UJBR put together this handy guide for translating those personal ads. I'm posting it here as a Public Service.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN:

When they say-What they mean is

Affectionate-Possessive
Artistic-Unreliable
Athletic-Flat-chested
Exotic Beauty-Will frighten your dog
Free Spirit-Substance abuser
Loves animals-Cat lady
New Age-Loaded with body hair
Outgoing-Loud
Spiritual-Involved in a cult
Seeking A Soul Mate-Stalker

Don't yuk it up too much, gentlemen. We have our own codewords. Read on:

MEN SEEKING WOMEN:

When they say-What they mean is

Athletic-Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average-looking-Over-average hair growth on ears and back
Educated-Will treat you like an idiot
Employed-On management track at Radio Shack
Free spirit-Will sleep with your sister
Huggable-Overweight and hairy (Oops!)
Professional-Owns a white button-down shirt
Sensitive-Needy
Stable-Stalker, but never convicted
Thoughtful-Says 'please' when demanding a beer

Upon reviewing these last ten, I guess I have to say....

....Yeah. They're probably right.

yankeedog out.

5 comments:

  1. Like you I have never read those desperately seeking ads, but after reading these now I want to.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How did any of us ever get laid? Apart from being probably just as messed up as the girls of course

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, no arguments here.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Looking for the Ultimate Dating Website? Join and find your perfect match.

    ReplyDelete