11 July 2010

More great monikers

Just one of those things. You live in a country where they don't speak your native language. Your parents give you a name which in your old homeland is a great and magnificent name-a name you can be proud of-only to find out that in your new country, your name is a joke. Happens all the time, both on a personal level and in product naming. I suspect some of us might have an English name that in some Urdu or Hindi or Malay dialect sounds like their word for 'Deflowerer of Young Male Goats' or some such.

And sometimes you get a name because your parents a) didn't like you or b) heard Johnny Cash sing 'A Boy Named Sue' one time too many and thought giving their kids some funky name will make them tough. Perhaps they should have thought this through. Those kids do, after all, pick their parents' nursing homes.

So let's see what names got dropped here, shall we?

Actually, this wouldn't be funny if it were in the Pinyin transliteration used by the PRC. Well, maybe it would...

When Star Wars fanatics have children! Strong the Force is in this one. Picked on mercilessly in school he will be...

You have to admit, this catches the eye when you're driving by.

And popular, with that much experience! Just like my rejoinder when in St. Louis and the drunken inbred Cardinal fans yell 'Cubs suck!'.

'Yeah? Well, the Cardinals swallow!'

Then we run as fast as the local gravity field will allow us to perambulate.

Only a Dick would do this to his kid.

I see this guy doing a variation of Hyacinth's routine from 'Keeping Up Appearances':

"It's pronounced Fuh-ZHOH!"

And her mother back in the old country showed her to friends and neighbors, saying "Would you like to see Mahboobeh?", blissfully unaware that in the English-speaking world, that remark would be followed by a snicker!

Didn't KISS do a song about this guy? 'They call him Mister Love...'. No, wait. That's 'Dr. Love'.

Sorry. With a guy named Mister Love, I don't want to link to Yello. I GOTTA link to Yello!!

She was in the first Austin Powers movie, wasn't she? Sure. Natal'ya Vagina! I remember her.

Actually, I think Natal'ya Vagina married former Twins and Tigers outfielder Rusty Kuntz. That'll take care of that silly maiden name!

I do remember Rusty. The name was pronounced 'Coontz'. You know he took a lot of crap anyway.

I'll vote for a guy named 'Loser'. It's the guy named 'Taxraiser' that would worry me.

What do you bet this guy has brothers named Dick, Percy, and Wally?

I think I'd change that last name to 'Abadass' if I came here to live.

I  appreciate the warning, and will tip large. Because I personally don't swing that way!

Now this guy, on the other hand, aced the whole name thing!

Batman bin Suparman: greater than Chuck Norris and Shatner in those Priceline commercials!

yankeedog out.


  1. Willie Lose is a sports commentator in NZ. Technically it's Tongan so it's Lo-Seh but it still sounds like a query being asked about the match in progress.

    I always liked the work of German striker Stefan Kuntz back in the day. And, on a similar note, more recently Portuguese goalkeeper Quim.

    Not to mention former New South Wales Minister for Gaming and Racing, the right honourable Richard Face. Yes let's not mention him cos he was a dick.

  2. Great work on those names. Cracked magazines website had a peice on how good parents screw up their kids and one of the ways was

    Giving your kid a creative name
    "You want your kid to be special. There are a few million Daves, Bobs and Johns running around NOT being totally awesome and obviously it's all because of their boring-ass names. So you decide to name your son something original, like Malcolm, Ivan or Dicksmash McIroncock.

    But in Reality...

    You have just sent your flesh and blood straight into the middle of a massive man-rape in the prison shower. According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens, while all the unusually named ones should start deciding what state they want to commit their first felony in (friendly tip, skip Texas). The study lists the top 10 bad boy names in America as: Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter, which we must point out are not the names of any serial killer or presidential assassin that has ever existed, so we're assuming the research is skewed in a certain direction.

    The theory is that the additional attention garnered by odd and unusual names can cause peer ridicule and discrimination in the workforce, which tends to result in a few thousand Alecs and Prestons stealing toilet paper from the gas station. So do your kid a favor and give him a typical law-abiding, mentally stable name, like Michael".

    Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article/195_7-things-good-parents-do-that-screw-kids-up-life/#ixzz0tR5BC68g

  3. We had a Richard Edward at school, and he lived down to his name admirably.

  4. My ex-manager's last name was Kunz. Smokin' hot babe and a lovely person as well.
    Great collection there YD.

  5. Doc-Quim?!? Yeah, that'll toughen you up-I guess.
    A good collection of names there as well.

    Barnesy-If 'Cracked' says it, then I'll give it credence-though 'Cracked' isn't as good as 'Mad' was back in the day.

    I do know that giving your boy the middle name 'Wayne' does enhance the probability of his becoming a killer, serial or otherwise.

    Bangar-It happens. Guy has one strike on him before he gets out into the world, he's going to live up or down to his name.

    Therbs-Name, hotness, and nice! Can't beat that with a stick!