06 January 2010

Stone cold (ice cold)

First, and I hate to say it, Iowa beat Georgia Tech 24-14 in the Orange Bowl. I thought I asked some of you to pull for Tech back a couple of posts ago.

Thanks for nothing, Georgia Tech and Atlantic Coast Conference. Go back to basketball.

Actually, Iowa got two touchdowns early and really didn't look back during the rest of the match. I have to say that Tech didn't look all that great-sort of sluggish.

Maybe it was due to the temperature at gametime, 49 F (9.4 C). That's fairly chilly for Miami. In fact, it's been mighty cold all around the Northern Hemisphere this winter. Our winters have swung back to cold after a few warm ones back in the 90s. Perhaps the solar cycle has a bigger effect on climate than folks like Al Gore would have you believe.

It takes a special type to deal with the cold. I remember reading and hearing a couple of years ago about a fellow from Sydney who for whatever reason was a huge Green Bay Packers fan. He packed his gear, rounded up the family, and moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin, to be near his beloved gridders. He went to I believe all of the home games and most of the road tilts that year. He got a full blast of a northern Wisconsin winter, with the big snow and subzero temps and cars that need to be plugged in so they'll start and big moving mounds of fabric that have people inside them. I think he got himself back Down Under the following year-and that's probably a good thing. Although if I were a Rabbitohs fan, I'd move to Sydney to see all of their matches. You don't have to shovel the heat. But I have enough sports albatrosses and don't need another.

This has been around the net for years but it is in many ways an accurate account of a Midwest winter. I'd bet if that Aussie Packer fan kept a diary, it would have looked a lot like this. Enjoy.

Dear Diary:

August 2: Moved to our new home in Wisconsin. It is so beautiful here. The forests are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them all covered with snow. God's Country. I love it here!

October 14: Wisconsin is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning and beginning to color. I love the bright shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through a beautiful forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. They are certainly the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise!

November 11: Deer Season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I really love it here!

December 2: It finally snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks just like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wisconsin.

December 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland, but pretty cold!

December 19: More snow last night. Couldn't even get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling this stuff. Darn that old snow-plow!

December 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters from shoveling this crap. I think the snow plow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the damn driveway, then he plows the fucking street, the Asshole!

December 25: "White Christmas" my busted ass! More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the stupid bastard. Why don't they use more salt on the roads to melt all this ice.

December 28: Guess what? More white shit fell last night. Been inside since Christmas fucking day except for shoveling out the driveway every time the "Snow Plow from Hell" comes by. Can't go anywhere, the car's buried in a mountain of frozen white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" tonight. Do you know how many shovels- full of white shit 10" is?

January 1: Happy Fucking New Year! The weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white shit this time. At this rate, it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the shithead driver had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I'd already broken 6 shovels digging out from under all the white shit he pushes back into my driveway and broke my last shovel over his God damned head.

January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food. On the way back a God damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those worthless deer shit-dropping road hazards should be exterminated. Wish the fucking hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3: Took the new car to the garage in town. Would you believe the body is rusting out from all that fucking salt they dumped on the roads all winter. My car looks like a piece of shit!

July 1: Moved to Arizona! I can't imagine why anyone on their right mind would ever move to that God Forsaken State of Wisconsin.

yankeedog out.


  1. My dad's family is from Green Bay, WI. We go there every year. But Green Bay and Kalamazoo are the same with the winter blasts so it's not much of a change for us. :D

  2. You're all mad. Mad I tells ya. And if you're a Rabbitohs fan - or even a Bulldogs fan like Therbs - you'd still prefer to live in Roosters or Sea Eagles territory by the beach, as he does!

  3. Jen-Yeah, the lake snow belt of Michigan and northern Wisconsin are darn near one and the same. And this looks like a long nasty January for us.

    Doc-It's being cooped up in our igloos that does it to us.

    If I'd been a promising college athlete, I'd hope to have gotten a full scholarship at the University of Hawaii! Screw playing football in the snow-give me 82 and sunny every day.

  4. I like the snow ... from here.

  5. Bangar-Half a world away is a good vantage point to see a winter here.

  6. Flagstaff Arizona is over a thousand feet higher in elevation than Denver. If anyone's moving to Arizona, they better be sure it's a bit further south than that.

  7. Steve-True 'nuff. Flagstaff gets some good snow in the winter as well.