18 August 2009

Strange advertisements (and are there any other?)

All right. I'm going to try to institute a new rule here and not leave depressing or sad posts up all that long-in this case because of advertising. Not adding ads to the blog, but ads I've run across of late.

We've got a strip club in the area that features, of course, an Amateur Night. If you've got one of these establishments in your area (or frequent one yourself-hey, no big deal to me), you've heard something like this:

Ever wondered what that girl next door looked like? Or the secretary at work? Or that nurse at the doctor's office? (Well, I'm a normal human male, but it isn't obsessing me, so-no, not necessarily.) Come to Hotpocket's Gentleman's Club for Amateur Night and see them take it all off for you and your friends! Watch them compete for the $250 first prize!

Bring your wife, your best friend, your sister, your...

Hey, now, hold on there!! Who in the hell's taking their sister to the strip club!?! Is it me or is that just not right?

Seriously, I've heard that commercial several times and that's pretty close to how it goes.

Our morning radio team found some actual TV ads out there for some, hmm, rather interesting products. Amazing, some of the products that get hawked on the airwaves in this country. And these products, and the people that come up with them and market them, are what makes America the greatest country in the world!

The BackUp. I guarantee this would work better than a burglar alarm. Just don't have kids or pets or clumsiness in the bedroom.

The Hawaii Chair. It's just like riding in the back of a deuce-and-a-half over the Rocky Mountains!

The Shake Weight. For women only (I kid you not-that's what it says in the ad). I think it's called 'The Shake Weight' because 'The Handjob Trainer' probably crosses the decency line. Seriously, this is a good arm exercise, but...I dunno. This just ain't right.

Aspray. This is a product and commercial that if all of us got together with a few cases of beer, we'd come up with. Quite possibly the oddest commercial this year!

HairLites. For hair highlighting, or so I'm told. I don't know how hair highlighting works. Looks like a power roller to me. Might be worth having this just for painting woodwork around the house. I read in Fine Scale Modeler about using a similar method for weathering a 1/35 scale Panzer IV, so this might do the trick.

Potty Patch. Yeah, this'll work. So you're going to have a small patch of Astroturf that reeks of dog piss in the house. A dog is not a cat.

Cool stuff, huh? And all yours for just $19.95. And if you call now, we'll send you TWO of each product-'cause they're clogging the warehouse!

Makes one nostalgic for Mr. Microphone...almost.

yankeedog out.


  1. Amateur night eh? I bet they don't discount the cover charge even though you are not seeing the trained professionals.

    I don't want to watch the videos at work and to be honest there is a certain joy in imagining the ads just from your comments!

  2. Lanny F in the A-spray ad was a riot!!!!!!!!!!!!...I almost fell off my chair when I saw that woman spray it in the direction of her crotch.....HONESTLY.

    Gotta love how Americans can enthuse over just about anything. Ha!

  3. Can you imagine asking your beloved 'Fancy some dynamic inertia?'...nah didn't think so.

  4. Naut-You gotta find a place to watch these vids. You wouldn't believe them!

    Last time I was in a gentleman's club (a looong time ago), they charged for each inhale and exhale. No, I reckon you don't get a break on the cover, or the two-drink minimum.

    Natalie: Yeh, that Aspray commercial is a riot! I had the same reaction when I saw the crotch spraying. Is nothing sacred? Geez.

    And I think 'Fancy some dynamic inertia?' has a certain charm. The ad agency had to know that their commercial looked a bit like 3D porn. Hey, it worked-we're discussing the product.

  5. Those ads are brill, the shotgun is just not a good a good beadroom accessory no matter nice rack it sits on.

    Yeah Aspray gets my vote for weird.

    Amateur Night at the local stripclub, the only time I can see it working with 'bring your sister' is in some of the clubs that Bill Hicks performed at where a guy came up to him after the show and said "I'd like to introduce you to my Girlfriend and sister" and there was only one girl standing there.

  6. Barnesy-The late Bill Hicks, a name I've not heard mentioned in a long time. That sounds like something he'd bring up in his routine.

    Used to listen to him on the radio back in the late '80s-good stuff!

    Nat-I just like it when ladies talk dirty science!

  7. I've just installed iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.